And there it is once again - I've referred to leaving in a very passive, throw-away kind of manner. But it's time to let everyone know what my parents have been hoping for for weeks...I'm coming home! (cue song...sing it to me, Sean!)
I have talked briefly about a chauvinistic boss (all true) and health problems (resolving, hopefully), but I've stopped short in discussing home- and work-sickness. This blog has mostly been about adventure and embracing the craziness of life on the other side of the world. I chose not to discuss the sadness or the longing, because a) that's what my journal is for! and b) there has been relatively little of it, because I've been making a concerted effort to get over it:) I came to Korea for space and time, a sort of self-imposed exile to clear my head after devastating personal upheaval, and to try something completely new - new country, new colleagues, new work. I can admit that it was an effort to escape; not you, my friends or family, but an environment that was both oppressing and depressing. I left not knowing for how long or where I was headed after Korea.
All this time and space - and travel, of course! - have given me great perspective on the things that are important to me. And I have found the most important thing of all (and PLEASE don't be offended, Mom and Dad!!) is my work. I spent the last 6 years amassing a body of research, immersing myself in a public health movement that I believe in, and working with awesome people who find the effort and sleepless nights in pursuit of this work totally and completely worth it. Substance abuse treatment simply cannot fill the void left when I exited Wellspring and teaching. At this point in my life, my career is really all I have, and I know now that I must do what I love with people who love it too, and who appreciate my work.
I have also come to a better understanding of my friends and loved ones, and how much I really want to be close to them. Sure, our careers and families may someday separate us at some point in the future, but I will never again feel I need to isolate myself from the comfort of these things so that I can live independently. I need them too much, and I am no longer afraid to admit that.
Someone asked me recently if I felt this experience was a failure, because I'm leaving so soon. My answer was a definitive "NO!". I have always been a "grass is greener" type of person who needed to experience that the "other" was not really so much better than "this". Had I not come here, I would not have met some amazing people, I wouldn't have known that my work was so important to me, and I would always wonder, "What if Korea....?" Now, I don't have to. For that lesson alone, the trip was worth it. I have commented on Facebook a couple times how much closer I feel to people back home because I moved away, and I am thankful for that. Korea has also allowed me the time to embrace some things about myself that I would have felt tortured over had I remained in Chicago. Time and distance have led to acceptance, and I can deal with all of that stuff better now (but the details I'll keep for my journal, again:) ).
I leave Korea on August 14. Yes, I've already purchased my tickets home:) But there is so much more traveling left to do before then, and I'm determined to fit at least 2 more trips in: Thailand and Japan. And, of course, the DMZ! I booked Thailand yesterday; Japan may be my last hoorah. So please continue to follow my adventures for my last month+...they will be good ones, I promise.
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